Week 3 - FORGIVE
CONNECT
What are you thankful for?
What challenge are you facing?
Have there been any answers to prayer?
Pray for each other.
Did anything stand out to you from last week’s reciting of Who I Am In Christ (Neal Anderson) and Who I Am In Christ (Foundations)?
How did your “I will …” statement from last week go?
How did your sharing goal from last week go?
How’s your memory work coming along?
John 8:31-32 (NAB)
31 Jesus said to those who believed in him, “If you remain in my word, 32 you will truly be my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
DISCOVER
Let’s start with a review. We’ve worked through these freedom truths and freedom responsibilities:
OBEY
Obedience leads to freedom while disobedience leads to bondage, so obey the Lord and be free.
RESIST
Jesus resisted Satan by reciting the truth of God’s Word, so resist Satan by reciting the truth of God’s Word.
And now …
FORGIVE
God has forgiven you, so forgive others.
Ask God to speak to you as you read His Word.
Matthew 18:21-35 (NLT)
21 Then Peter came to [Jesus] and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” (Note the going rate according to the Jewish Rabbis at the time was three times. Peter probably thought he was being generous by suggesting seven times.)
22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!
23 “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. 24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. 25 He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.
26 “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ 27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.
28 “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.
29 “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. 30 But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.
31 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. 32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ 34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.
35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”
Have someone retell the passage in their own words.
What stands out to you in this passage?
What does this passage say about God (The Father, His Son Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit)?
What does this passage say about people, including ourselves?
What does this passage say about the life God invites us to live?
Digging Deeper
Because forgiveness is so critical to our freedom and witness as followers of Jesus Christ, we’re going to dig deep into the Bible’s teaching on forgiveness. Forgiving others may be the single most important choice you make in finding freedom in Christ.
Would you say your family of origin is more characterized by forgiveness or bitterness? Why?
Would you say you’re more characterized by forgiveness or bitterness? Why?
Debt
Matthew 18:21-25 (NLT)
21 Then Peter came to [Jesus] and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”
22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!
23 “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. 24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. 25 He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.”
Matthew 6:12 (NIV)
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
What do people owe us when they sin against us?
Why is forgiving sin like forgiving a debt—it costs us something?
Why is it so hard to forgive others?
He Couldn’t Pay
One debtor owed over a million dollars which he could never pay back. The other debtor owed only a thousand dollars which he probably could pay back in time.
What does this say about forgiving even “unforgivable” sins? Is forgiveness just for small sins or for all sins?
What’s your reaction to this statement?
The greater the sin you have to forgive, the greater the grace God will give you to forgive it.
Colossians 2:13-14 (NIV)
13 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross.
Let’s never forget that God has forgiven us a debt we could never pay back when Jesus paid for our sins on the cross.
Torture
Matthew 18:34-35 (NLT)
34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.
35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”
Warren Wiersbe
The world’s worst prison is the prison of an unforgiving heart. If we refuse to forgive others, then we are only imprisoning ourselves and causing our own torment. Some of the most miserable people I have met in my ministry have been people who would not forgive others. They lived only to imagine ways to punish these people who had wronged them. But they were really only punishing themselves.
Why is the refusal to forgive someone like a prison?
Hebrews 12:15 (NLT)
Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
Nelson Mandela
Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it.
Who does bitterness ultimately hurt?
Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV)
26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.
Why does unresolved anger, such as unforgiveness and bitterness, allow the devil to influence our lives? How could this demonic influence be part of the torture we invite into our lives by refusing to forgive others?
Usually, God allows the consequences of our sin—in this case, the sin of refusing to forgive—to torture us. However, He may actively “torture” us (or discipline us) to bring us to the point of obeying His command to forgive someone. And forgiving is a command. So don’t wait for feelings of forgiveness. Choose to obey God and forgive.
From the Heart
Matthew 18:35 (NLT)
That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.
What does it mean to forgive someone from your heart?
Why is it important to forgive from the place of your pain and anger?
Why is it important to forgive from the core of your will and choices?
Why would a surface-level forgiveness lead to a surface-level freedom, while a heart-level forgiveness leads to a heart-level freedom?
It Takes One to Forgive, but Two to be Reconciled
Ideally, when someone sins against you, they would ask you to forgive them. Then you would forgive them and the two of you would do whatever is necessary to be reconciled. That’s the ideal. But what happens if that doesn’t happen? What happens if the person doesn’t ask for forgiveness? Are you stuck? Not at all. You can choose to forgive them from your heart and find freedom.
Luke 23:34 (NIV)
Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
As Jesus hung on the cross, who, besides the thief crucified next to Him, asked for His forgiveness?
No one! Jesus’ forgiveness wasn’t bilateral, but unilateral. No one asked Jesus for forgiveness, yet He still forgave them from His heart.
Could Jesus have died with bitterness in His heart and still have been our perfect Savior?
Jesus didn’t let the sun go down on His anger and so He didn’t give the devil any foothold in His life. He perfectly obeyed His Father to the very end by forgiving those who were crucifying Him. He was perfectly obedient and completely free.
The point is, it only takes one to forgive. That’s why forgiveness is a choice and an act of obedience. You’re the only one who can decide if you’ll forgive or not.
Reconciliation, however, takes two. To restore and repair a relationship you have to work together with the other person. Your act of forgiveness can certainly pave the way to reconciliation, but it can’t guarantee it. Reconciliation is a relational process that takes two and time.
It’s important, then, to keep forgiveness and reconciliation separate. If you think that forgiving someone necessarily means being reconciled with that person, you may not forgive them at all because you can’t imagine being reconciled with the person. That’s understandable. But we are commanded to forgive and where possible to work toward reconciliation—where possible.
Romans 12:18 (NIV)
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Issues of trust, accountability, consequences, retribution and boundaries are distinct from forgiveness. They’re certainly important, but they’re related to reconciliation and not forgiveness. So don’t lump them into forgiveness. Leave them for the process of reconciliation. Instead, forgive and be free and where possible work toward reconciliation. Once again, though God doesn’t guarantee reconciliation for those who forgive, he does guarantee freedom for those who forgive. So control what you can, which is only your choice to forgive and your willingness to reconcile, not the other person’s willingness or choices regarding reconciliation.
God’s Revenge
Romans 12:19 (NIV)
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
Why doesn’t God want us to get revenge but leave that up to Him?
Who are people ultimately accountable to when they sin against us? Why?
Psalm 51:4 (NIV)
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
Psalm 51 is King David’s honest confession of committing adultery with Bathsheba and then trying to cover it up by murdering her husband Uriah. Obviously, David’s sin was against Bathsheba and Uriah.
Ultimately, however, who does David admit that he sinned against? Whose law did David break by committing adultery and murder?
What would happen if you began to see the sins committed against you as ultimately committed against God? How would that change your perspective on forgiveness?
If we refuse to forgive, we remain hooked to the person and they’ll continue to affect us (even torture us). If we choose to forgive from the heart, they'll stay on God’s hook, but we will be free.
Being like Jesus
If being a disciple of Jesus is about becoming more and more like Jesus, why is forgiving others so important to maturing as Jesus’ disciple?
How is forgiveness a powerful witness to the reality of Jesus’ work in your life?
Bottomline
FORGIVEN PEOPLE FORGIVE PEOPLE
Truth & Responsibility
This week’s freedom truth is:
God has forgiven you.
This week’s freedom responsibility is:
So forgive others.
Colossians 3:13 (NIV)
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Not Able but Enabled
You won’t be able to forgive others on your own. That’s why we support each other. But more importantly, that’s why we rely on Jesus. God never intended for us to live the Christian life in our own strength. Instead, He calls us to stay connected with Jesus so we do everything through His strength. Then what we could never do on our own, we do through our relationship with Jesus.
Philippians 4:13 (ESV)
I can do all things through [Christ] who strengthens me.
John 15:5 (NIV)
I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
As you depend on the One who forgave you on the cross, He will empower you to forgive others. The greater the sin you have to forgive, the greater the grace God will give you to forgive it.
Notes on FREEDOM
As always, what’s shared here must stay here. Please practice strict confidentiality.
Satan doesn’t want you to be free. And he’ll do everything he can to discourage and distract you. For example, you may experience mental oppression as you go through today’s freedom exercises. Thoughts like, “This isn’t going to work” or “God doesn’t love you” or “Don’t believe this stuff or this person” may come to you. Resist these lies and trust God’s truth. If you’re experiencing mental oppression, it’s important to tell the others in the group so they can pray for you and help you stand firm on God’s truth.
These freedom exercises may take some time, maybe more time than one week’s meeting. Especially if you have several people working through these exercises, it may take more than a week. There’s no need to rush. Just take the time you need.
These freedom exercises may bring up some very personal and painful issues. Going through these exercises will give you greater freedom in Christ. You may, however, need additional help from a Christian support group, pastor, counsellor or therapist. Your group can help you discern if you need additional help.
Feel free to modify the prayers below to fit your situation and communicate your heart.
Forgive Others
What follows is adapted from The Steps to Freedom in Christ by Neil Anderson.
Pray this discernment prayer out loud:
Lord, thank You for the forgiveness of all my sins. Your grace is amazing. Now, bring to my mind all the people I need to forgive so I may do so. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Take some time and wait on the Lord to bring those people to mind. Take note of their names.
Now pray for each person out loud:
Lord Jesus, I choose to forgive ______ (name person) for ______ (name offense AND how it impacted you). I choose not to hold on to my resentment. I relinquish my right to seek revenge and ask You to heal me. Thank You for setting me free from the bondage of my bitterness. I now ask You to bless ______ (name person). In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.
Forgive Yourself
One of the hardest people to forgive is yourself.
Why do you think this is?
But if God has forgiven us, it’s time to forgive ourselves.
Why is forgiving yourself part of finding full forgiveness and freedom?
What do you need to forgive yourself for?
If you haven’t ask God to forgive you for this sin yet, of course, that’s the place to start. Then pray this prayer out loud:
Once again, Lord, thank You for the forgiveness of all my sins, including the sin of ________ (name sin) which I’m having a tough time forgiving myself for. Because You have so graciously forgiven me, I now forgive myself for ________ (name sin). Thank You for setting me free. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
“Forgive” God
Technically, we can’t forgive God because God doesn’t sin. However, resentment can build up between ourselves and God because there are things in our lives that we just don’t understand. These could be “unanswered” prayers or unmet expectations. The Bible actually encourages us to be honest with God and bring Him our prayers of lament. King David has many such prayers in the book of Psalms (See Psalm 13, for example).
Pray this prayer out loud:
God, I bring You my lament. I don’t understand ________. OR I am grieving over ________. OR I am bitter about ________. I know I don’t see what You see or know what You know. And I know that I can’t forgive You because You are good and don’t make mistakes. But I admit that I have been bitter and disappointed with You over this. So I release You from my bitterness and resentment. And I ask You to forgive me of my bitterness and resentment. Thank You for listening to me and loving me. I recommit myself to trusting You. And I will wait quietly, patiently and expectantly for You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Forgive Me
Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV)
23 If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
Not only do we need to forgive others, we need to ask others to forgive us.
Whom do you need to ask to forgive you?
What did you do? How did you sin against this person?
How did it impact the person’s life?
How will you ask the person to forgive you?
What do you need to do to be reconciled to the person?
Keep in mind, that the words “Will you forgive me for _____ (name sin)?” are more humbling and direct than “I apologize for _____ (name sin).”
And once again, remember that forgiveness and reconciliation are separate. So as you commit to ask for forgiveness, commit to do whatever you need to do to foster reconciliation. In fact, when you ask the person to forgive you, also ask, “What do I need to do so that we can be reconciled?” Asking for forgiveness without asking for guidance on reconciliation reveals a lack of awareness of how your sin has impacted the other person and affected your relationship with them.
And be sure to give people the time they need to process your request for forgiveness and respond when they’re ready—if they’re ever ready. You can’t control their response, but you can control your act of humble obedience to God. And keep in mind, first reactions aren’t always lasting reactions. So give people space to respond in their own time and their own way.
There may be circumstances where you won’t be able to ask for forgiveness. You can still bring these matters to the Lord and receive His forgiveness. Remember that all sin is ultimately against God. For sure, where possible ask the person you sinned against for forgiveness. But where that’s not possible, don’t be overcome with guilt and shame. God is gracious! Come to Him to deal with it and be done with it.
LIVE
What truth have you discovered from today’s Bible passage(s) and conversation?
What would stop you from believing and obeying this truth?
How will you live out this truth this coming week? Finish this statement: “I will ….”
Who else needs to hear this truth? How could you share it with them?
When will we meet again?
Who will facilitate that meeting?
Pray for God’s help as you seek to follow Jesus this coming week.
FOLLOW-UP BIBLE READINGS
Here are the Bible passages you are encouraged to read this coming week:
BUDDY SYSTEM
Connect with your buddy this week and ask each other these questions:
How are your readings going?
How’s your “I will …” statement coming along?
How’s your sharing goal coming along?
How can I pray for you?